second chances and last regrets
by Kate Ferguson
Summary: sweet Carby fluff first chapter please R&R should I continue?


Back to Carter  
  
"And that's it? You're just going to leave-after everything" She hated this-she hated that she could make him feel this way-they should have never got that close. She had one major problem when it came to relationships : she could never depend on anybody else except herself. She hated depending-the feeling of being completely useless when he wasn't around, as though she didn't know herself without him. Her past tormented relationships had decided she was going to die old and alone, and whenever she got into a close relationship with some gorgeous totally talented and funny guy she'd find some reason to break it off, with no prior warning. "I have to Carter" she whispered not daring to look at his ruined face-she didn't want to see how much power she had over him "Surely you can see that" She thought of the reason she was giving for breaking up this one-her Mum, even though independent now-she wasn't sure for long and could never be sure. Everything will eventually just turn on it's head-that's the one thing Abby Lockhart felt her life guaranteed. He sat silent, brow furrowed and eyes kept staring straight ahead, as if concentrating on something with enormous energy. She knew she couldn't stay-her flight left in four hours, and she'd come here for five minutes to clear out her locker, she forgot he was going to be here, and she'd have to try and explain her life altering choice, when it wasn't even straight in her head. The fact that he hadn't looked at her for about twenty minutes now, meant that it was twice as easy for her to leave, she picked up her bag, making a move to end this thing between them that had got so out of control, she tried to reach the door without turning back but sure enough she felt the same old pull on her heart and headed back to his chair "I love you" she said briefly bending down to kiss him on the forehead, any closer and it would look like she was staying-and she wasn't, she wasn't if she left today, or tomorrow or in a month, she could never stay in a relationship. "No you don't, you wouldn't be doing this if you did. We have something so complete here Abby, are you just so blind you can't see it?" "I do, I can. I do love you Carter, and I know this could have, is becoming something so fantastic" that's why I'm leaving she thought "But my Mum needs me - and she won't come here, I've got to go there" He shut his eyes as if in agony, and she felt herself tearing away from him, "Bye I'll miss you" she heard herself say She thought he was going to let her go, she thought her words had made some sort of sense to him, though they didn't to her, she thought he'd somehow understood, or given up. She thought wrong, suddenly his hand reached out and grabbed her wrist forcefully, he sat up eyes darting, burning into her soul "Let me come with you" She read desperate hope in his eyes and just felt her leaving him even more, but what excuse did she have for not letting him come? Her previous excuse only left her leaving Chicago not her leaving him she tried to find a way of letting him down gently, she desperately searched her brain for some excuse that would make sense to him-there was none. "Doctor Carter, we need you" Abby's temp said giving her a way out "Can't you find some one else Rachel?" "Like who? Luka's off sick, Elisabeth's on lunch, not to mention the state of the boards out here, and what have you done for the last hour?" "OK, OK" He said standing up, Rachel walked away and John began to follow her, stopping at the door to make one last plea for Abby, "Stay, please, just for a minute" She tightly smiled giving no signs form her body language, making no promises that she wouldn't, couldn't keep. She watched him great the paramedics and listening to them state the cause of injury, she waited until he was out of site and walked away.  
  
That was the last time she saw him, the last time in three years. She wasn't sure what her applying for the job would do. She had hurt him so much, and felt so guilty. But she wanted to move back, she wanted to see them all again, she'd missed everybody, she'd missed him. Oh god she missed him, more than she ever thought possible. The last two years had gone so slow, Maggy deteriorating quickly at first, well until she forgot who her own daughter was, and then the hours seemed like days. Abby couldn't take any more, any time she tried to help she was pushed away-and she realised it was easier to breathe drunk. The last five months of her mothers life there wasn't one time when she was sober, all the money was spent on alcohol in the first few weeks, so she relied on money from friends-debts. She hated herself, she really loathed herself. Her mothers death was a wake up call, it happened when she was in the pub for twelve hours, she came back and found her lying on the floor phone in hand and stone cold. She checked her cell and there were ten missed calls-all around midday the day before. She had been dead for thirteen hours. After that shock she locked herself in the house, no food, no drink, just sitting on the floor shaking, regretting, hating. She was angry, tired, and in agony. She felt like she'd finally been given her mothers curse. "Next station Chicago state" blurted over the loud speakers inside her carriage forcing her to stop reminiscing. Here she was going to face a new life, walk right in against all the troubles of the old and get over drink, and the former. No she wasn't starting a new life she was turning back, turning back to the only time in her life she was happy, the only time she didn't need booze to get her high, she was turning back to Carter.  
  
"Daddy, Daddy" Carter opened his eyes as he watched the girl running toward him. The girl with bountiful black ringlets down to his ears, looking like she had so much energy, just high on life, the complete opposite of him. The man that was sitting next to John on the park bench ran over to the girl with as much life as she promoted and picked her up, lifted her up in the air and preceded to chuck her up a few times encouraged by her laughter "Daddy, stop, stop" the girl screamed hysterical Peter let Marli, his second down again and she ran of towards her Mum, beautifully pregnant. Carter smiled at his old friend as Peter returned to his seat. "So amazing" "So much like her mother" Peter looked lovingly at Cleo "No, not like you at all" Carter mocked and received the expected punch with mock agony "You should, Carter, you'd make a great door mat" Peter commented on his role in the family "Thanks" Carter laughed "But seriously, Claire wants to" Peter looked towards Carters one year wife, traditionally beautiful shining blonde hair sparkling blue eyes, but no extra quirk, no detail that makes her that little bit special, a person that normal men would avoid, nothing like Abby. "Yeah" "And you wanted to" He commented on how desperately he was in love with that girl, how much he wanted a family with her, how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, still did? "Yeah" "Or was that offer only open to those named Abby Lockhart" Carter couldn't deny the way his ears still pricked up if he heard her name, but he was over her, not completely and there were times when he'd climb into bed with Claire and wish it was Abby, but he was happy, settled, and of course you never forget a love that strong. Carter smiled laughingly at Peter subconsciously avoiding the question. "Carter, look I wasn't sure if I should tell you, but I think you can handle it and it's best that you know" "Know what?" He hated his friends habit of bashing round the bush "She came in for the interview last week, Abby, she's moved back to Chicago" 


End file.
